Paris: Watch out for Douchebags!!

by Mitchell on June 23, 2011

I first arrived at the “Peace and Love” hostel in Paris at 11pm.
The bar and front desk were one and the same and the place was packed.
But this is not a story about the hostel bar and the mayhem that ensued for a week at the end of October.
This is a story about going on a walking tour and ending up running across 4 lanes of traffic with angry Arabians chasing me.

It was the morning after a rather eventful night. Everyone was waiting in the lobby area to go on a walking tour around Paris.
I was broke (and waiting for money to transfer from one bank account to another).
I ended up pawning my gameboy (that I’d picked up in Germany) along with a pokemon game for 10 euros.
I spent the 10 euros on this walking tour so I could join the group and not stay at the hostel feeling sorry for myself and nursing a brutal hangover.

The tour lady rocks up. Her name is Karen. She is super friendly and knowledgeable.

The tour begins. We cross our first street of the day. I’m at the back of the group.
The crossing light is signalling we should walk.
So we walk.
I’m at the back and all of a sudden a car rips around the corner and guns it towards me.
I jump out of the way and my hand smacks their side mirror.
They screech to a stop. This guy hops out shouting and my instincts take over.
I book it.

I run across this square intersection thing with the guy hot on my heels. I keep going and run across a few lanes of traffic almost getting hit….again.
This guy is still behind me.
Now, I pride myself on being a pretty fast runner (especially when getting chased by guys a lot bigger than me) but this guy was even faster than me.
I decide it’s time for one of my favourite self-preservation moves as a child.
I let him get a bit closer to me then suddenly stop and crouch down onto my hands and knees.
He trips over me and eats shit into the sidewalk.
I get up quickly and sprint in the opposite direction.
He’s gets up and is quickly right behind me again. Wow he is fast.

I’m getting tired and not sure how much longer i can keep this up for.
I do the stop and crouch move again and it kind of works even though he’s expecting it.
We tousle for a second or two and then the whole rest of the tour group rocks up as well as the driver of the car that almost hit me.
There are heated arguments between the tour leader (who’s french isn’t that good but better than anyone on the tours) and the two guys.
The police are mentioned and everyone is getting very confused.

I’m still trying to process what just happened when BAM. Sucker punched in the side of the head.
One of the guys had snuck around and clocked me in the face.
The two guys take off and I thank the group of 3 beefy australian dudes who were also on the tour and had my back….Not.
They cited hangovers as an excuse but I was not impressed and still seeing stars.

The tour continues and we hop on the subway.
I get the luck of sitting beside an American woman who just so happens to practice the most bogus form of healing ever.
She sticks her hands in my face and attempts to draw away the negative energy without actually touching me. After waving her hands around my face for awhile she asks if i feel better.
Fortunately our stop comes and I can leave without being rude to her.

We continued with the rest of the tour and it was pretty awesome (despite my soreness).
If your ever in Paris and looking for a great walking tour with a super knowledgeable tour guide then I’d highly recommend Karens tours.
I actually just checked out her website again and apparently they won a tripadvisor award of excellence. So, double highly recommend them.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed my tale of two douchebags.
If you have your own tale of doucheosity, share it in the comments below!


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Roy | Cruisesurfingz June 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Dude, sounds crazy! I’m visiting Paris as well and my experience has been pretty tame in comparison. Oh yeah, I guess I shouldn’t mention there are free walking tours in Paris too….


Mitchell June 24, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Yeah I think it must have been the area we were in. Seems like every night there was some sort of altercation with the locals and the bartender had to kick everyone out and shut down for the night. (the fact that we were being belligerent drunks probably didn’t help).
Damn! I’ll have to rock one of those next time.


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